who is to say

How hard is to ignore beauty staring me dead in the eye. I chose to ignore your beauties, and just focus on your atrocities and your faults. The way your voice is rasp when you speak, the way it hurts my ears. it confirms my biggest fear of them all. I have fallen in a trap, and I won't get out until a charming hand helps me up. We are so much more than failed abortions and wasted period blood. We are nearly human, but we are also nearly animal. I thrive for the shade you forcibly throw at me. I never grow, i never grow. I try to look for the sun from where i stand. The only thing i am able to see are your merciless eyes staring down. I sense a feeble vision in this sentence, how intense would it be to be in the past tense while you are in the present tense. You seem so tense, is it my fault? You are the dead spouse of a forgotten soldier. The war rages on, and so do you. Your fire burns my house of cards, I tumble down the rabbit hole like Alice. You are just a trap and you are quite certainly the reason of the goodness in the world. I can't accept that, i won't accept it. Who am i to you? Who are you to the rest? Your silent moments are they mysterious or are you just boring and have nothing to say? I try to make up faults and atrocities, but in the end i can only see your beauties and what makes you a whole person. Who is to say what i am to you, i ask you what am I to you? Am I just a speck in the ground or your god?